By Chris Lowery, Contributing Writer
There is nothing I appreciate more than a little sophomoric humor. Don’t get me wrong, a one-line witticism spewed from a razor sharp wit takes the cake any day of the week. But a dude farting in the middle of class never fails to make me chuckle. In today’s Hollywood, nobody does over the top kindergarten humor better than Will Ferrell and his Frat Pack. I still believe Michael Keaton’s subtle TLC references in “The Other Guys,” is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. What can I say? I just don’t want No Scrubs in comedy. I need that Red Light Special.
Anyways, one of my favorite Frat-Packer movies, done by Owen Wilson, is Hall Pass.
It’s the one where the husbands are given a week off from marriage to do whatever the hell they want. And there’s one scene in the movie where the two married men go clubbin’ with their creepily old lady man extraordinaire. While scoping out the talent at the bar, one of the guys spots a tall blonde surrounded by her friends that he’s sure is a 10. However, the creepily old lady man extraordinaire quickly corrects his ways by putting his hands together, blocking out the girl’s friends from view and then shows them the girl through his hands lens. Through this lens the guys realize this ten is actually a 5 who surrounds herself with others to appear more attractive. On my favorite TV show, How I Met Your Mother, Barney dubbed this the “Cheerleader Effect.” Sometimes big groups appear to have a certain mystique when together, but when individually examined they can be less appealing to the shallow types.
Before anyone calls me a misogynistic douchebag, the effect is on both guys and girls. And strangely enough, I think it can be applied to our college football weekend.
You see, and I’ve been saying this all year, the Alabama Crimson Tide is not the team they were last year. Not even close in fact. Riding off the mystique surrounding Saban, the all-time great defense from a year ago, and the programs revered pageantry and tradition, the Tide bullied their way through a uniquely weak schedule for an SEC team. They were able to avoid all three SEC East heavyweights, while their only impressive non-conference win came over a Michigan team who’s struggled to compete in their own pee-wee league.
Then LSU and Zach Mettenberger came along with their hand lens, blocked out that media created aura and revealed to us all that Alabama is not only beatable, but has some giant white heads and possibly a cleft palate for a secondary.
Cleft palate may be a little strong, but compared to last year’s defense, this unit falls surprisingly short.
Zach Mettenberger played the game of his life, throwing for 298 of the teams 435 total yards. If it wasn’t for a defensive lapse then the Tide would have fallen that night.
But LSU, jaded by the loss, decided to hold up the lens for Johnny Manziel and the Aggies of Texas A&M, enabling Johnny “Football” to throw for a very efficient 253 of the Aggies 418 yards. His last touchdown toss, a corner route against straight man coverage, exemplifies the sometimes vulnerable pass defense of Alabama that I think will be their Achilles heel.
Now, the Tide have to travel to that hornet’s nest of a Georgia Dome, a road game for all intents and purposes, to face the SEC’s most pure pocket passer, Aaron Murray.
The Georgia Bulldogs are experienced, having played and lost in the title game a year before. They are playing from an “us against the world” mentality, which seems to be when they thrive most, against a team whose “intimidate into submission” mentality, the one in which they thrive most, has been essentially shattered.
I have no problem going out on a limb and saying that Georgia will win this game by four points.
They’ll come out fast, riding off the emotion of the crowd, before having to fend off a furious comeback. Eventually, Alabama will fall yet again. Georgia 24 Alabama 20.
Other championship games in action:
Who cares. They’re just chasing waterfalls.
Yeah, that just happened.
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